I Crowdfunded My Juice Cleanse So That You Wouldn’t Have To Try One

I Crowdfunded My Juice Cleanse So That You Wouldn’t Have To Try One

Levi Teitel with juice cleanse productsI’ve always had a preconceived notion in my mind that juice cleanses are bull$**t. They cost a fortune, articulate broad health claims, and above all are perceived as “trendy.” The companies that sell this stuff make a fortune: the LA Times estimates the industry grosses $100 million per year. Nuts!

The only way I could repudiate or uphold the claims that juice cleanses provide (weight loss, better digestion, detox, etc.) was to actually do it myself. It was an adventure, and I was up for it. However, I’m a college student, AKA legit broke. So, I figured out if I want this juice cleanse to kick butt and make the most out of it, I’m going to do so much self-promotion on this that it’s gonna be ridiculous. Blow it up. If I was to accomplish this juice cleanse, it would go down in history as the greatest cleanse of all time. So, as a millennial, I used my generation’s favorite way to raise money and buzz for a (not so) important cause: crowdfunding.

These forms of click resources can be worse for consumers than payday loans. A lack of regulation means their contracts are less transparent, with hidden or confusing fee structures that result in higher costs than payday loans.

I set up a GoFundMe page, and was easily able to reach my goal of $42. (Thanks Uncle Andy and Madre.) And with that, I was on my merry way to becoming a juice cleanse superstar. On May 18, 2016, I embarked on my juice cleanse journey. Alternatively, you can check out the best lenders for bad credit available online for your instant cash funding needs.

In chronological order, I have reviewed each juice I consumed. Mind you, this was only a one-day shenanigan, so I’m not trying to call myself hardcore. Most juice cleanses are longer, about three days to a week.

#1: Matcha Tea

This tea actually is bomb. The cayenne gives it a perfect kick, and just what I need for the morning.

#2: Grass is Greener

It was pleasant. I’m starving. I had to make a wee very badly, and that was a very big relief after I accomplished that feat. I can’t wait for the next one, because I need to nourish myself more.

#3: Ruby Juice

It was good, but I’m still left unfulfilled. Before it was pleasant to sip on the juice, but it’s becoming more of a chore at this point––and the day is only halfway through. All I’m going to say is that I feel bad for the person standing in line behind me.

#4: Trophy Wife

These chia seeds are really taking me places. The past two juices have been sweet so I’m not that into it. Additionally, both have been red, so I’m nervous that my lips are going to change color. Also the people sitting next to me are eating Chipotle and I am very jealous

#5: Live Long & Green

I’m sick and tired of every juice being sweet or citrusy. It’s a bit much. I’m not hungry any longer. I can’t deny that this juice was pleasant, but I want solids. NOW.

#6: Berry Almond

HOORAH! THE FINALE. This is very dessert-like, and I guess that’s a great way to end this. Thank God that’s over.

The Rationale 

I still don’t buy the health claims. I hardly feel “cleansed,” but instead feel fresh out of fifty bucks. It’s very unlikely I would ever do it again. My body doesn’t necessarily feel better, and I’ve never been more excited to eat solid food in my life. I thought I would feel invincible and cleansed today, but I’ve been feeling very strange. Maybe because I didn’t and couldn’t have coffee in the morning, but it’s probably something else that was bothering me. However, I thought I would be more hungry throughout the day, but surprisingly this wasn’t the case. Even though I wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was going to be, I still felt unfulfilled.

The bottom line is that there are countless other ways to improve your health, and a juice cleanse is merely an inefficient way to make you feel good about yourself. A permanent diet and exercise are the best ways to go. I’ve been a vegetarian for about five years, and I can confidently say that a plant-based diet will “cleanse” your body and soul. If you’re looking to lose weight, juice cleanses don’t always work because it’s so easy to gain it all back. But hey, if you’re willing to pay for it, nobody’s going to stop you.

3 Comments
  • Susan
    Posted at 11:25h, 26 May Reply

    If you already eat healthy, you don’t have much to do. Your cleanse wasn’t as drastic as someone that is over weight and unhealthy. I’m doing a partial juice fast with one healthy meal a day. I’m looking forward to feeling better ?

  • Gayle
    Posted at 16:42h, 26 May Reply

    Way to go Levi!!! Impressive!!!

  • Kelly Rogers Victor
    Posted at 09:44h, 06 June Reply

    Right on! Juicing is just a version of crash dieting. It does nothing for you long-term, and people usually go back to all their bad habits when the cleanse ends. Eat real food and all will be well. Thanks for the report!

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